Impenetrable Fort.

Bengal is a lazy place. It’s Sunday afternoon and everyone’s napping from an overdose of rice. Quite blissful indeed.

I’ve been home for more than a week now, and this is probably the first time when I’ve been left alone to my thoughts. Not because I had any work whatsoever, but because I’ve been indulging myself in all the comforts that home has to offer. I’ve run out of movies to watch at the theatres and I’m contemplating re-runs of the classics now. I’m trying to keep myself away from TV series because they tend to get too addictive, leading to multiple hours of slothing around finishing season after season.

It’s been oddly wonderful week. I’ve recently found the need to change my look, that is, I needed a new wardrobe. A major portion of this week was devoted to prepping myself with some new chinos and polos. And a skinny belt. Yes, I bought a skinny belt. Also, I got a light pink t-shirt. Summer, I guess?

I’ve had many different cuisines around the world, not as many as I’d want to though, but the food at home is somehow always the best. I’ve been stuffing myself with everything within a 5 mile radius and been driving around town doing this. On repeat. Everyday.Again and again.

Home just isn’t complete without Tolly – a country club where I’ve spent a majority of my life. The indoor and outdoor swimming pools are where I’ve repaired my knee with long swims which I destroyed on the tennis courts that are right next to the pool, which in turn is around the corner from the shamiana that’s responsible for every pound of pointless flab on me. My first kiss was in the dark alley behind the green of the 8th hole, and the first time I regretably popped my collar was in the snooker room, and the last time I regretably tried to chest bump someone mid air was on the diving platform of the indoor pool. It’s a magical place, just minutes away from home, where I go to shelter myself from everything horrid.

Everything horrid, you ask? Wealth tends to create an impression of an impenetrable fort where sorrow is evaded, or at least unconquerable fortitude agaisnt adversity that never shows up. However, it actually just acts as a light veil. All you need to go is nudge a little for the demons to come out and play. My home is quite broken. Like I’ve said before, I’ve lost so many in the past year, and coming home is a vivid reminder of that. Having lived in a large family as a child, including my grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins under two adjacent roofs, I’m used to plently of chaos at home. It’s now quiet. My dogs barks are unheard, my grandfather’s yelling has been silenced, my aunt’s constant sobbing and my other aunt’s constant laughter have been tuned down. The house is large and empty. I walked into the empty rooms downstairs, but the silence was shattering. I can’t believe I wasn’t covered in drool when I walked in, or that I don’t have a wagging tail forcing me to throw him a part of my lunch. But, home is still home – my aunt has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and Parkinson’s, but her hug when she saw me walk in was as warm as ever. She still gave me her blessings when I touched her feet. My house is now weaker, but the bonds aren’t even close to vulnerable. Sunday lunch used to be a crazy affair with a dozen people crying, yelling and laughing simultaneously. Today was a quite meal with a handful of us at the table. I guess it was the silence at that table that made me want to write right now.

Phew. It’s been a week at home. I’ve been thoroughly stuffed with food and been spoilt by mother’s willingness to buy me every pair of overpriced pants I’ve tried on. I needed this Sunday as a rest day from going to the mall and watching yet another movie, followed by panting from overeating. I think it’s time to hit the club.

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